Hey Girl! Today we’re talking about perspectives… How can understanding perspectives help you in relationships? Let’s chat about it in today’s episode.
The other day I came across a quote that said, “My red is not your red.”
What the heck??
Yea, I had to think about it for a while, think about the deeper meaning… but I finally got it!
See we all have our own perspecives in life, and what I see is not necessarily how you see it.
And I think it’s important that we all recognize different perspectives when it comes to relationships.
You will only ever be able to see things through your eyes in life! Through your perspective! No matter what, you’ll always have your view of life and your view of the world.
If you look at something and see red, you have no idea what that color is for someone else. Seriously, I may see my red, but what I see as my red could be what you see as your brown, but we both call it red. (I know, it’s crazy right! 🤯)
The point is, we all have different views and you have no idea what someone else is looking at because you’ll always have YOUR view. Just because my red is my red, it may not be your red. And it goes beyond colors, it goes for perspectives in general.
It’s important to get to know each other’s perspectives, ESPECIALLY in relationships.
There are soooo many people in my generation who have gotten married and divorced quickly, and its probably because we don’t always take the time to get to know someone, how their mind works and their views on life!
Something I like to talk about with my boyfriend are our perspectives on so many different things. It just helps us get to know each other way better.
Here are some things you can talk about with a man to see his perspective on things:
- What’s his perspective on relationships?
- What does he think the woman’s role is?
- What’s the man’s role?
- Does he like traditional roles or more modern?
- What are his views on politics?
- What are his views on God?
- What is his idea of cheating?
- What does he think about the importance of titles in relationships?
- What does he consider as painful?
- What does betrayal mean to him?
- Whats important to him?
- How does he think one should show love to someone else?
These are just a few to get you started, but these are some simple things that we may think everyone feels the same as us on… when really there are no right or wrong answers. EVERYONE has a different view on all of those different things.
Let me give you an example of how this played out in my life. My very first boyfriend was dating me, calling ME his girlfriend, but was flirting with his ex at school. When I found out, I was FURIOUS! Because to me, it was clear he was cheating on me. But after arguing, I found out that he honestly didn’t think flirting or kissing was a form a cheating, but to me, even flirting with someone else is being unfaithful and dishonest.
Its simply a different view. Different perspectives.
But getting to know these things about each other can really help you out in the long run.
We fight in relationships, have misunderstandings, and argue because we don’t see the other persons side. We don’t want to know their perspective.
I remember I argued with a different ex of mine constantly because I wanted the title of girlfriend, and he didn’t understand why that was SO important for me. He didn’t even care about titles. From my perspective, it was disrespectful to NOT claim me as his, and it also made me believe that he was using that as a way to remain single/non-committed. From his perspective, he may have truly thought that titles meant nothing and as long as he said he was committed, I was just supposed to believe and trust him.
Again, It’s simply a matter of different perspectives.
Now different perspectives are perfectly fine and normal! But the reason it’s so important to try and understand your partner’s point of view is to help determine your compatibility.
Some people are flexible with some perspectives, and others are stubborn & stuck in their ways. For me and my exes, our simple differences in perspectives are really the top reasons why we didn’t work out.
I could never be comfortable with someone flirting constantly with other women and saying it's not cheating. And I could never be comfortable long term without titles because girlfriend, fiancee, and wife are all things I truly desire to be in my life!
But if we had maybe taken some time to learn more about each other’s point of view in the first place, maybe we wouldn’t have been so hurt by what happened in our relationships. Maybe we could have seen earlier on that we just weren’t compatible because we had 2 opposing views and neither of us were willing to change those views.
Anywhere you go in life, you’re going to run into someone who has a different perspective than you. If you can simply remind yourself of this little statement.. that your red may not be their red… maybe you’ll save yourself from lots of confrontations & problems. Different perspectives are okay!
Learning about different perspectives can help you get to know someone better and can also save you from anger or arguments in the future.
Some people may see something as a huge obstacle and bad sign, and others may see it as such a minor issue that they totally didn’t even recognize it as an obstacle.
People’s life experiences and beliefs shape them to have different perspectives. What you see as important, someone else may not see as important.
So get to know each other. See where compromises can come in.
Talk about where you see your life going and where he sees his life is going. Whatever is said is super meaningful to that person, and it’s a good way for you to see how you can meet each other in the middle on certain things.
Determine if you’re compatible long term based on your different perspectives. Perspective is everything!
Learning about his view on life and how that corresponds with your perspective can help you build such a deeper relationship. And this goes beyond boyfriends, but also for friends and family members.
We get in arguments with friends & family all the time because of simple misunderstandings. And misunderstandings happen because you’re only focused on your point of view and are unwilling to see someone else’s point of view.
If we take the time to get to know our perspective and other people’s perspectives/views on life, we might be able to figure out how to meet in the middle, instead of having bs arguments with each other!
You can truly have a situation make you mad and ruin your whole day, or have that same situation make you thankful for the lessons & see it as a blessing. It all depends on your perspective.
Quotes of the day:
“My red isn’t your red.” -Shiii
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” -Wayne Dyer
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