Ep 6: I Was Crying at a Bar… HOW OPINIONS CAN RUIN RELATIONSHIPS

So it was SUPER embarrassing, but I cried at the bar last weekend when I was hanging out with some family friends.

In todays episode, I’ll tell you why I cried, how opinions can ruin relationships, and what I learned about society & haters.

 

Last week was Valentine’s Day… Happy late Valentine’s Day!!!! ❤️ I hope you had a day, week, and month full of love girl!

On Valentine’s Day, of course I felt extra special because my boyfriend made it his goal to surprise me with gifts, and to shower me with love. So I was on a “love high” and feeling good about my life (and still am!) when I went out with my friends a few days later.

I went out with a group of my family friends (and my mom) for Margaritas and Mexican food because you KNOW I can’t turn down a good drink with chips & queso! The group of women that I went out with are the people I’ve grown up with since I was born. They’re basically like my extended family, my family by non-blood. They’re some of the strongest women I know, and I look up to them. And I’ve also learned A LOT from them!

Now, although I was in a very happy mood and having a great time in life, the people I went out with weren’t feeling life as much as I was. Their hearts have hardened because of men treating them like shit in the past, and I honestly don’t think they even care about this love holiday that just passed. So trust me, I didn’t even want to MENTION my Valentine’s day, because I knew it would probably bring up negative feelings at the table.

While we were at this restaurant, I was talking to them about the launch of my podcast and my website… and of course, there’s ALWAYS that oooone person who just doesn’t get you or why you’re doing what you’re doing. And that’s fine. So I started explaining, having to justify why this is a good idea in my life… and I absolutely hate doing that because I don’t think any person on Earth here needs an explanation or break down of my life. Like I don’t owe anybody an explanation! But I did it anyway.

And even though I’m super confident in my decisions to start this journey, and I’m super happy with where I am, their comments and displeased looks were starting to get to me.

But I told myself not to take it personally and we moved on.

Later in the conversation, we got on the topic of relationships & love. Now… I have been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a half now, but I don’t openly talk about it with family (or even some friends) because I KNOW people won’t understand and will judge me for dating someone who I met online.

I don’t need the negativity, the doubters, worriers, or naysayers to bring any of that energy into my life.

And if life were perfect, I truly would just expect for all of my family and friends to look at me and treat me like I’m smart (because I am), like I’m rational (because I am), and like I make good decisions (because I do). I think my character in life so far should prove to them that whatever I’m doing is probably something great for me. 

But… life isn’t always perfect. So of course when we started talking about relationships, I had some doubters. I was asked if I have a boyfriend and I FINALLY TOLD THEM! (Well my mom already knew, but the others didn’t.) And I was excited to talk about him because just thinking of him makes me happy!

Like I predicted, they started to doubt, laugh at me, ask me questions that they didn’t even want to hear my answers to. They started making assumptions, and took everything I was saying as a joke.

And ya’ll…

I try to think of myself as a strong person who doesn’t let things get to her.. but the way that they were literally ignoring all the good things I was saying, the fact that they were ignoring how HAPPY I had been before they started joking about me… the way they literally were trying to make me believe that my relationship is just a joke--

 I Just. Couldn’t. Take it! 

My heart was hurt. And it wasn’t hurt because they didn’t believe in my relationship. It was hurt because for the first time, it became clear to me that these women have always tried to plant their fears, doubts & worries on me.

So… the tears came. And girl, I couldn’t stop it! I was crying. With margarita in hand. At the bar!!!!  🤦🏽‍♀️

It was horrible! But now I can laugh about it because I know I looked ridiculous haha!

But I want to tell you why this was so painful to me.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a while now, have thought of every crazy scenario that could happen, have done my research, have talked to him plenty of times and seen him talk to me plenty of times that I KNOW he is who he says he is. And I KNOW that what we have is not a joke. Because we talk every day, and have the deepest most meaningful conversations (and the lightest funniest conversations), we’ve argued and made up, and we have literally talked about EVERY SINGLE SUBJECT you can imagine.

He’s my best friend, my support system, my encourager, my inspiration, and he’s been nothing but positive, loving, & supportive of my dreams since day one. 

But regardless of all that, the ONLY person I ever need to worry about putting an approval stamp on this relationship is me… and of course, God.

Mine and Adam’s relationship is only between me, Adam, and God. So all the haters can just keep their comments to themselves because it doesn’t make a difference in our relationship.

But what was so painful for me, was that these women who I have grown up watching-- their own relationships were so bad, their own hearts had turned so cold towards love, that they couldn’t even allow for ME to be happy and feel loved. They wanted to strip that away from me the moment that they found out.

They tried to guilt me into feeling bad that I’ve been dating someone I met online for a year and a half.

And to be quite honest, that’s none of their business! I didn’t need their permission then, and I don’t need it now. Just like I didn’t need their permission to start a podcast or a business. And I think this was a big learning lesson for me.

See, just last year, I was a people pleaser, constantly trying to gain the approval of others, looking for permission to take the leap and do the things I want in life. Always letting people walk all over me and tell me what they want me to do with my life.

That day at the bar… I may have been crying. But I finally was standing up for myself! Through my tears, I let them know that just because they don’t understand, doesn’t mean they need to laugh at me or discourage me from doing what I’m doing.

And I quite frankly let them know that the relationship I’m in with Adam is probably SO much stronger than any of the relationships I saw them in while I was growing up. 

And guess what???

They actually agreed. They admitted that what I have IS definitely better than the shitty relationships they’ve been in. They told me they don’t think I’m stupid for doing what I’m doing, but they laughed because they just couldn’t understand. They couldn’t do what I do.

They aren’t bold enough to do the things I’m doing in my life right now.

And sadly, they admitted that they’ve given up on relationships and dating and love because of all their bad experiences.

I couldn’t help but think in my head… so why would you try to discourage me from doing things differently?? Because if I follow their examples, I’ll have more horrible relationship experiences, and end up with a heart unwilling to receive love.

And honey, that’s NOT what I want.

So I learned a few lessons that night at the bar:

  • Nobody’s opinion truly matters anymore
  • You can’t let outside influences sabotage your new relationships
  • You can be a Trooper Chick in ALL areas of your life, not just when it comes to relationships with guys
  • It’s important to stand your ground, speak your truth, and let people know you’re not living life for them.
  • Live life for YOU! And do what makes you happy.
  • Being bold & courageous makes you feel freakin’ AMAZING!!!
  • Don’t take things personally. People's responses are based on their own perceptions. And that’s not your problem to deal with.

Most importantly, I think we all need to be aware of how we respond to others. A lot of times, we immediately laugh at people or try giving advice when it wasn’t asked for.

I love my family friends and I know it’s not intentional. They don’t mean to discourage me or make me feel like I’m crazy for doing something… it’s just a habit. And I think we all need to break that habit.

Because you never know when your words discourage someone from doing something awesome or life changing. You never know when your opinions make someone feel like they’re unworthy of living the best life they can.

Your words and your actions leave long-lasting impressions. So be intentional. Be encouraging, supportive, and loving.

I’m very proud that I’m in a place in my life where their opinions didn’t make me doubt myself or my life. And I’m SO proud that I finally stood up for myself and let them know I’m done with people pleasing, and not here to listen to their negativity.

I hope YOU are inspired to do the same. 

Be you. Always be your best. Live life on your terms, and be unstoppable!

Quote of the day:
“People too weak to follow their own dreams will always find a way to discourage yours.” -Bob Mayer

 

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