Ep 9: Why Men Don’t Approach You… Are You INTIMIDATING to Men??

Have you ever wondered why men don’t approach you?? I spent years wondering why men would look, but never came up to talk to me. And then one day, a guy friend told me my beauty was intimidating!


Crazy enough, I’m not the only one who’s heard that! A bunch of my friends and family members have heard that too!


It seems like women these days are just too “intimidating” and that’s why we are stuck in single-town for way longer than we want to be!


But it almost feels like this is just a man’s excuse! An excuse for why he doesn’t make the first move, an excuse for why he doesn’t commit or even attempt to date you. And an excuse for why he’s not stepping up like a man should.


When I was single and ready to start dating after the end of one of my past lame relationships, I tried hard to find a guy I was interested in! Me my best friend literally came up with strategies for how to get guys to talk to us!


“I’ll sit on this side of the bar, you sit on that side, and we’ll act like we came here alone! For sure, some guy will feel like he can actually come up to one of us and start talking!”


But no matter what I tried, guys would look, but hardly anyone would actually approach me. (Except for the certified crazy ones 🤦🏽‍♀️ …. they never had a problem coming up to talk lol)


At my job, I had 2 close guy friends, and after months of building a friendship with one of the guys, he told me that he originally was scared to talk to me because my beauty was intimidating!


😳.... I wasn’t sure how to feel when he said that. I mean, damn! Was this the reason I wasn’t finding any guys??? Was this what made me “unapproachable”?


I asked another friend, and he agreed! I was intimidating to men!


So then I thought I needed to change. Maybe I should figure out how to dim my shine, not put effort into my look, stop being so nice. Maybe then I’d be less intimidating…


But I just couldn’t see how I could change myself… just because a man was intimidated by me being ME.



The other day I was on social media and came across a quote that said:


“Ladies, you aren’t intimidating. He’s intimidated. There’s a  difference.”


And I felt like someone finally explained the REAL problem!


It’s not you that’s the problem… the problem is he’s intimidated! And girl, that’s his problem to deal with, not yours!


So what about us comes across as intimidating to a man???

Girl, there are a number of things about a woman that could intimidate a guy… He could be intimidated by:

  • your smarts
  • your beauty
  • your success
  • your strength
  • your ambition
  • your maturity

He might be intimidated because you’ve got goals, you’re opinionated, educated, have more degrees, or just because you’re making money moves! 🤑


But NONE of that is OUR problem, ladies! It’s out of our control.


Because it doesn’t say anything that’s wrong with your character… Those are all GREAT things that you should NEVER change about yourself!


Keep being a BOSS in life girl! There’s nothing wrong with that!


Now, a guy may never even tell you that he’s intimidated. So if you’re not sure, here are some signs that a man’s intimidated by you:

  • He flirts with you constantly but never asks you out
  • He smiles and looks at you, but never approaches
  • He seems nervous or shy around you
  • He acts jealous of the things you’re doing in your life (he uses jealousy to distract you from noticing his weaknesses)
  • He hardly talks about himself, only focuses on you and what you’re doing in life… OR he brags about himself (to overcompensate for the things he’s really lacking)


So if a guy acts like he’s intimidated, or actually tells you that you’re intimidating… how do you respond???


Should you change yourself to make it easier on them??

My advice: ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! 


A man who tells you you’re intimidating is truly showing you one thing: He’s insecure.


Any man who feels like you’re intimidating is just really weak in areas of his life that you’re doing great in. And he’s uncomfortable with that. 


What it really says about him:

  • He’s not confident around you
  • He’s scared you’re gonna find out about his weaknesses
  • He doesn’t feel like he can have you
  • He ain’t ready for someone like you!


And funny enough, some guys will try to use the “you’re intimidating” line to try and charm his way into your life… to try and convince you to come down to his level so he feels more comfortable. Some guys want you to feel sorry for them, and would love nothing more than for you to baby them. 🙄


But any sign that he’s intimidated could be a HUGE warning for you that he’s not on your level! That he’s not ready for your amazingness. 


You don’t need to be “less intimidating”. If someone tells you you’re intimidating, use that as a confidence booster!! Take it as a compliment! YES, you ARE that fine girl!!! YES!!! You ARE a strong ass woman! You’re living life and doing AMAZING things! So never stop! 


“Strong women intimidate boys… and excite men!”


Be confident. Be you.  And always know that a REAL man won’t be intimidated, he’ll be in awe! He’ll be ready to join you on your level, and he’ll be a complement to your life instead of making you feel like you need to slow down your life for him.


Never dim your light because someone else is uncomfortable. Shine honey, SHINE!!!! 🤩


Quotes of the day:
“Dear strong women, you are not intimidating. He is intimidated. There’s a difference.” -Charles Orlando
“If my strength intimidates you, I hope you realize that’s a weakness of yours.” -Anonymous



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