Hey girl! It’s time for you to know that there's a BIG difference between fear and doubt! Today we're talking all about the difference, and I'll share a story on how my doubts should have steered me FAR AWAY from the guy who stole from me!
A lot of the time we misunderstand our own feelings. We may say that we’re scared of something, like maybe we’re scared of being with this new guy because he may cheat. But it’s important for you to really understand if you’re just scared of that possibility… or if you’re experiencing doubt in that person’s ability to stay faithful.
Because we all have experienced some crappy relationships, been through some shit, and have had men let us down again and again. And of course, those experiences bring fear into our lives... ‘cause we’re scared of that happening to us again and we’re scared of getting our hearts broken all over again.
Fear is normal. But DOUBT is a warning.
If you’re worried about someone cheating because something in your gut tells you to worry… you’re experiencing doubt. Something about his character has spoken to your soul to let you know he cannot be trusted.
And this gut feeling, this doubt, is IMPORTANT!!!
You can choose to ignore that doubt, act like it’s a crazy fear you have, and stay with him, living in worry all the time. (Only to get hurt in the end because you were right about your gut feeling).
You can choose to take the warning signs, and start really paying attention to his character.
Knowing the difference between fear and doubt can literally save you time, save you energy, save you from heartbreak, and can even save you a LOT of money!
Here’s a little story I have about doubts and fear, and how my gut tried to steer me away from a guy who eventually STOLE from me! :
About 2 years ago, I started trying out online dating. I met this guy who lived close to my area, and we had a good vibe going for about a month online. So we decided to go out for a first date!
He chose the restaurant, he chose the time, and I met him there. We clicked, and everything was going smoothly on the date, but something was still feeling “off”. He seemed really cool, and the conversation was great! But I was a little fearful of starting a new relationship because of my shitty past relationships… but besides that fear, my gut was telling me something was wrong. Of course, I ignored it and I told myself I was just scared because of my past.
Now, he had a full time job, a nice car, his own apartment, and had his shit together (so he said). So I thought for sure, this would be the first date I’d ever gone on where the GUY could actually pay for ME! I felt like maybe he was the gentleman I’d been looking for all along.
We were talking about EVERYTHING, and laughing, having a good time. But then he started to talk about his troubled past and how he was in with the wrong crowd for a while. He told me that some of his old friends liked to steal credit card information to buy whatever they wanted… and then he just stopped being friends with them.
WHY this came up, I have no idea. But it did. We moved on to talk about other things and then the date came to an end. He got the bill, and paid…
But his card was declined.
He was embarrassed but gave the waitress another card. And that card was declined too 🤦🏽♀️.
So guess who had to pay??? ME!
I felt embarrassed for him, annoyed that I got my hopes up, I still felt like something was “off”, and most of all, I felt like I just wanted to pay the bill and move on!
Even after that, I ignored my gut instincts and decided to go on a 2nd date, 3rd date, etc.
But about a week after that first date, my debit card was compromised! Someone spent $1500 of mine… at Walmart. And the person using my card was in the city where HE lived (somewhere I hadn’t been in years).
Was it him who stole my money?? I’ll never get the truth from him, but my gut tells me it definitely was him!
But I still ignored the doubt and tried to stay with him. We dated for a few months, and then he was all of a sudden missing for weeks at a time, not really wanting to talk or spend time on me. And I kept feeling like he was just using me.
So I tried to tell him about those feelings, but in the end he decided to leave me because my doubts were “messing up” the relationship.
I truly believe my gut was trying to tell me something from the very beginning.
My gut was trying to tell me to LEAVE NOW!!! Because I felt so strongly that he was using me. But I ignored that doubt. And in the end, I was being used. I wasted time, energy, feelings, and MONEY!!!
It’s okay to have fears based on your past, but you should make sure you have those fears under control (check out episode 4 for more on this topic). It’s actually NORMAL to have fears based on past experiences.
In relationships in general, I personally have a huge fear that any new guy I’m dating is gonna turn out to be just like my crazy ex. But it’s really just an irrational thought that’s in my head based on my past that I’m projecting onto someone else.
FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real
We think it could happen, and sometimes this fear can make us so scared that we sabotage the relationship early on to try to protect ourselves, or we don’t even try a new relationship because we’re so scared.
But DOUBT is when you don’t believe that a person is going to do what he said he’d do. You don’t believe in him.
Fear is when we’re scared that something MIGHT happen, even if their characteristics prove to be honest and great.
Doubt is when we don’t trust someone to be honest because their characteristics prove to be dishonest and shady AF.
Your gut is way stronger than you give it credit for. Your gut always tells you the truth when your mind plays tricks on you. You may have tricked your mind to “hush” and not to think bad thoughts. But your gut… your gut will tell you all sorts of truths, even if you don’t want to know it!
Understand if you’re scared he’ll cheat based on something thats happened to you in the past, or if you’re doubting him being faithful because of his characteristics.
If it’s doubt, and you’re mistaking it as fear, you may be wasting precious time!
When you ignore doubt & ignore your gut feelings, in the end… those doubts we had end up coming true anyway.
You’re always going to have a little bit of fear when jumping into a new relationship, especially if you’ve had horrible experiences in the past. But fear doesn’t mean someone is gonna do something bad to you.
But doubting someone is different. Doubt means something is wrong, and you need to watch out for this person.
The moment you realize that you doubt somebody, start paying attention to their characteristics, to their actions. Open your eyes. Communicate with him. Start seeing him for who he is.
When you doubt someone but you stay, it can be torturous.
Doubts can eat you up alive! You’ll be living with insecurities, resentment, worries, and you’ll never feel secure, happy, or positive vibes. It sucks. And doubt can ruin your outlook on every man who tries to show up in your life in the future.
Listen to your gut. Doubt is telling you that something in that person’s characteristics is deceptive, dishonest, and negative. Ignoring doubt just delays the outcome you already know is coming.
Take the warning signs!!! Talk about your doubts with him. And if the relationship ends, that’s OKAY. It’s for the better, and your gut knows it.
Remember that YOU ARE A Trooper Chick. You know what you deserve, and you don’t deserve to live in doubt.
So please, do yourself a favor, and listen to your gut. Stop mistaking your doubts as fear, and really start paying attention to people’s characteristics. You’ll be saving yourself from a total shit show.
Quote of the day:
“There is a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen.” -Rumi
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