Ep. 12: Who’s Really WASTING YOUR TIME… Him? Or You??

Ok, ok, we’ve all said it… we don’t wanna try dating that cute guy because, “he’ll probably just be a waste of time!” But then we turn right around and complain about how single we are. So who’s really wasting your time here?? 


Is it him? Or is it you??? 👀


Listen, I totally understand what you mean when you say you don’t want to waste time on someone. I mean who wants to waste time on some dude who isn’t serious about having a real relationship??


But this phrase “he’s probably just gonna be a waste of time,” is actually just an excuse we use alllll the time so that we don’t have to get out of our comfort zone… so we don’t have to put ourselves out there & so we don’t have to give someone a chance.


But here’s a newsflash for you: It may not be a waste of time to try something new!


This “waste of time” excuse has been used soooo many times… Hell, even I’ve used it! And probably more times than I can count.


Every time I met a guy, I instantly told myself he’d probably be a waste of time. It could be that he didn’t look like my type, or he didn’t have a great job… or even something small like his laugh reminded me of my ex. Whatever it was, I’d just instantly decide to say he’s probably a waste of time and I wouldn’t even give it a chance.


Sound familiar?


Here’s the saddest part though… I wasn’t happy being single. I wanted a relationship bad, and I really wanted to find true love!... But the problem was, even though I wanted a man, for any man that came along I had the same excuse: “eh, he’s probably just gonna be a waste of my time.” And I blocked myself from any relationship potential.


So how would I ever actually become happy???


I wasn’t going anywhere, just going in circles. I wasn’t happy being single, I wasn’t happy trying to start a new relationship, but somehow I seriously expected love. How?! (I guess I thought it would fall from the sky!)


The point is… You have to be willing and open to try new things.


Sometimes we even use this “waste of time” excuse when we’re IN a relationship with someone who is proving to truly be a waste of time. He’s playing games, messing around on you, or has no ambition or drive to go anywhere in life. And we’ll sit there and complain about how he’s wasting our time and how we’re pissed about it… but we still stay with him because we love him.


The problem with both of these “waste of time” excuses is that we actually are wasting our own time by saying he’s a waste of time.


Because if you’re in a relationship with someone who you KNOW is wasting your time… LEAVE! We’re wasting time by saying he’s a waste of time and not taking action or doing anything about it!


And it’s the same thing when we repeat the excuse when we’re single. You’re wasting your own time complaining that someone could be a waste of time… yet you’re still upset in life because of your singleness! 


If you realllly want a bf, you can totally get one! You’re smart, beautiful, amazing, driven. But if you instantly think that every man is probably a waste of your time, you’re holding yourself back from your future.


Let’s answer a very important question: Is the time that you’re talking about wasting even valuable???


We sit at home watching tv, binging on Netflix, talking to our friends, and stalking people on social media, WISHING that we had a great love life. But all of that is your down time; empty hours that you fill with nonsense meaningless tasks most of the time. So if you’re worried about wasting time talking to someone new, then why aren’t you worried about all this other precious time you’re actually wasting???


See if we just put ourselves out there and actually TRIED talking to someone new, we could be filling that down time with building a relationship instead of wasting time on Netflix for hours. And the thing is, something great COULD actually come out of it…. you might actually find who you’ve been waiting for. 


If you’re unhappy with where you’re at in your life right now, how could you even say that trying something new would be a waste of time??? In order to have a different outcome, you have to do something differently! So if you’re unhappy with your love life, it may be time to stop trying so hard to stay single. 🤔


You don’t know what could happen! Trying something new could be the best decision of your life! It may actually fill your life with joy, happiness, and love!


Being worried that someone might waste your time is complete BS.


Because if you’re not 100% happy with your life as it is today, it is NEVER a waste of time to try something new that could actually bring you happiness.


And yes, you’re right… it very well COULD be a waste of time. There ARE some guys out there who actually are a waste of your time. But the moment you realize a guy is playing games, messing around, and simply just wasting your time… leave! Just don’t jump to conclusions about EVERY. single. guy you meet and say he’s probably a waste of time. ‘Cause you never know unless you give it a chance.


Even if someone turns out to be a waste of time, you may learn an important life lesson from that relationship… but you honestly never know unless you give it a shot.


It could turn out to be the best love story of your life!


If you’re single but you’re wishing you had a boo… you’ve gotta be willing to work for it. If you’re life isn’t bringing you joy right now, it means everything you’re doing isn’t working! And you have to try something new so you can find something that does bring you joy!


Honestly… this excuse of “he’s a waste of my time” is just a fear of trying something new. It’s our way of staying in our comfort zone.


But we have to stop wasting our time with this excuse. We’re not getting any younger. Life isn’t on pause. The longer you use that excuse to keep you “safe”, the more years you’ll be single… And then one day you’ll look up and see your whole life passed you by and you never gave any guy a chance! 


So stop blocking what could be your next blessing!


If you’re unwilling to try new things… you’ll never ever find that one thing that makes you truly happy in life.


Do something new that will inspire a great positive change in your life and bring you joy, happiness, and possibly love!


Quote of the day:
“If you’re not 100 percent happy with your life today, it is never a waste of time to try something that could get you there.”
-Gary Vaynerchuk



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Ep 11: Breakup EXCUSES... Does He Really Love You the Way You Love Him???

Have you ever heard the most annoying excuse from a man as to why he wants to break up??? I have! 


Some guys really come up with the WORST excuses for why they wana breakup.


When he says, “I just don’t think I’ll ever love you the way you love me.” … What the HELL does that even mean??? lol


I was watching a tv show Jane the Virgin and allll of a sudden her bf had this “epiphany” that he didn’t love her the way she loved him.


It was out of nowhere, and yes, after HE told her HE LOVED HER many, many times! It completely caught her off guard, and as you probably guessed, she was freakin’ devastated. 💔


But this BS excuse doesn’t just happen on tv, it happens in real life. And it’s happened to me…


My boyfriend (from over 5 years ago now) and I had been doing great! We had so much fun together, had a bunch of things in common, and never ran out of things to talk about. But all of a sudden, one random week, we had NOTHING to talk about. Things were changing. He suddenly didn’t have time for me… he forgot my birthday… and he randomly decided to break up with me. 


And do you know what his reasoning was?? 


He said he realized he could never love me the way I loved him.... WTF


I was soooo confused! 🤯

I was sad! 😢

I was mad 🤬

I was devastated 😭

And heartbroken 💔 (more like shattered beyond repair)


And I thought the whole relationship had to have been a complete lie.


He had said he loved me a thousand times… but did it mean anything??


I started to feel like I had just wasted a year of my time! (And Jane the Virgin felt the same way btw! lol)



But the real reason guys use this:

  1. It’s either a cover up for the real problem
  2. Or it’s an excuse he’s using to get out of the relationship in an easy way without too much confrontation & without you fighting to save the relationship. It’s his way of ending it with a clean cut so you both won’t have to drag out the relationship or try to fight for it.


When my bf told me he didn’t love me the way I loved him, I couldn’t fight it. Of course I was sad and heartbroken… but I had to let him go because I knew I couldn’t MAKE him love me back.


Oh but wait…  a year later we ended up back together... HOW?


Well… Because the truth came out!!! He actually DID love me, he just didn’t know how to break up with me besides saying those words: that he didn’t feel like he loved me the same way I loved him.


His real reason for leaving was so that he could join the army without having to leave me here waiting or him. He said he didn’t want to hurt me by leaving and making me deal with him being away for so long at a time. So his solution was to just break up with me with a clean cut, and leave it at that.


Since he didn’t want to hurt me, he broke up with me, thinking that the way he did it would ultimately be less painful than if he had just came to me with the truth.


Uhhh newsflash! Heartbreak hurts! Anyway you look at it.


And a lie that he didn’t love me hurt more than the truth would have.



(Oh and Jane the Virgin Spoiler Alert… On the show the truth came out too! He had really broken up with her because he felt like he was in a dark place and he didn’t want to drag her into the dark place with him. So instead of telling the truth, he lied and said he didn’t love her the same, hoping it would ultimately be less painful than if she got sucked into the dark place he was in.)


So when a guy says, “I just don’t love you the way you love me,” I’m almost positive that there’s an underlying reason for why he said that.


Back up a bit and see what happened before this crazy random news. What signs showed??


It’s likely that the real reason for the breakup happened in a discussion or an argument or some life-changing event within the few weeks prior to him coming up with this random “I don’t love you the same way” BS.


There IS a possibility that he got caught up in the idea of love & a relationship & a family, and that he said I love you without truly meaning it. But it’s rare. Most people aren’t gonna say those 3 words without really meaning it first! (They’re some serious words!)


How is it possible to say i love you and not mean it in the same way as the other person unless you’re a straight up liar? 


I personally think it’s just an excuse,  just a cover up.


So think back:

  • What events happened to get to that point?
  • Did you have any issues?
  • An argument?
  • Any significant events that happened and changed you or him?


If it’s none of the above, think about the whole relationship:

  • Was it genuine?
  • Did he ever really love you?
  • OR was he just caught up in the idea of loving you?



The truth may be that he just realized he actually doesn’t love you or he fell out of love with you.


And if that’s the case… it reallllllyyyy sucks. 😩


But again, the truth is better than a lie! Breakups suck either way. So we all just need to be honest and tell the real reason why the relationship is ending.


The truth hurts but lies hurt even more!


Anytime someone lies with the excuse, “I don’t love you the way you love me,” the truth eventually comes out anyway. And they run back saying I actually DO love you! I just was confused and didn’t know what to do...


And in the end you’re just playing with people emotions! 


So here’s some advice to ALL people in the world:


STOP PLAYING GAMES WITH PEOPLE! Love is a REAL emotion & it’s deep, and we choose to love the people we do. So stop playing around with people feelings!


It makes women crazy! lol 


Be truthful. Don’t say you love someone if you don’t truly mean it.  And stop f*ckin’ with people’s emotions! ✌🏽


Quote of the Day:
“Stay, or leave. But don’t fucking play with my feelings.” -Unknown


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Ep 10: My Red Is Not Your Red... What Is Your PERSPECTIVE??

Hey Girl! Today we’re talking about perspectives… How can understanding perspectives help you in relationships? Let’s chat about it in today’s episode.


The other day I came across a quote that said, “My red is not your red.”


What the heck??


Yea, I had to think about it for a while, think about the deeper meaning… but I finally got it!


See we all have our own perspecives in life, and what I see is not necessarily how you see it.


And I think it’s important that we all recognize different perspectives when it comes to relationships.


You will only ever be able to see things through your eyes in life! Through your perspective! No matter what, you’ll always have your view of life and your view of the world.


If you look at something and see red, you have no idea what that color is for someone else. Seriously, I may see my red, but what I see as my red could be what you see as your brown, but we both call it red. (I know, it’s crazy right! 🤯)


The point is, we all have different views and you have no idea what someone else is looking at because you’ll always have YOUR view. Just because my red is my red, it may not be your red. And it goes beyond colors, it goes for perspectives in general. 


It’s important to get to know each other’s perspectives, ESPECIALLY in relationships. 


There are soooo many people in my generation who have gotten married and divorced quickly, and its probably because we don’t always take the time to get to know someone, how their mind works and their views on life!


Something I like to talk about with my boyfriend are our perspectives on so many different things. It just helps us get to know each other way better.


Here are some things you can talk about with a man to see his perspective on things:

  • What’s his perspective on relationships?
  • What does he think the woman’s role is?
  • What’s the man’s role?
  • Does he like traditional roles or more modern?
  • What are his views on politics?
  • What are his views on God?
  • What is his idea of cheating?
  • What does he think about the importance of titles in relationships?
  • What does he consider as painful?
  • What does betrayal mean to him?
  • Whats important to him?
  • How does he think one should show love to someone else?


These are just a few to get you started, but these are some simple things that we may think everyone feels the same as us on… when really there are no right or wrong answers. EVERYONE has a different view on all of those different things.


Let me give you an example of how this played out in my life. My very first boyfriend was dating me, calling ME his girlfriend, but was flirting with his ex at school. When I found out, I was FURIOUS! Because to me, it was clear he was cheating on me. But after arguing, I found out that he honestly didn’t think flirting or kissing was a form a cheating, but to me, even flirting with someone else is being unfaithful and dishonest.


Its simply a different view. Different perspectives.


But getting to know these things about each other can really help you out in the long run.


We fight in relationships, have misunderstandings, and argue because we don’t see the other persons side. We don’t want to know their perspective.


I remember I argued with a different ex of mine constantly because I wanted the title of girlfriend, and he didn’t understand why that was SO important for me. He didn’t even care about titles. From my perspective, it was disrespectful to NOT claim me as his, and it also made me believe that he was using that as a way to remain single/non-committed. From his perspective, he may have truly thought that titles meant nothing and as long as he said he was committed, I was just supposed to believe and trust him.


Again, It’s simply a matter of different perspectives.


Now different perspectives are perfectly fine and normal! But the reason it’s so important to try and understand your partner’s point of view is to help determine your compatibility.


Some people are flexible with some perspectives, and others are stubborn & stuck in their ways. For me and my exes, our simple differences in perspectives are really the top reasons why we didn’t work out. 


I could never be comfortable with someone flirting constantly with other women and saying it's not cheating. And I could never be comfortable long term without titles because girlfriend, fiancee, and wife are all things I truly desire to be in my life!


But if we had maybe taken some time to learn more about each other’s point of view in the first place, maybe we wouldn’t have been so hurt by what happened in our relationships. Maybe we could have seen earlier on that we just weren’t compatible because we had 2 opposing views and neither of us were willing to change those views.


Anywhere you go in life, you’re going to run into someone who has a different perspective than you. If you can simply remind yourself of this little statement.. that your red may not be their red… maybe you’ll save yourself from lots of confrontations & problems. Different perspectives are okay!


Learning about different perspectives can help you get to know someone better and can also save you from anger or arguments in the future.


Some people may see something as a huge obstacle and bad sign, and others may see it as such a minor issue that they totally didn’t even recognize it as an obstacle.


People’s life experiences and beliefs shape them to have different perspectives. What you see as important, someone else may not see as important.


So get to know each other. See where compromises can come in.


Talk about where you see your life going and where he sees his life is going. Whatever is said is super meaningful to that person, and it’s a good way for you to see how you can meet each other in the middle on certain things.


Determine if you’re compatible long term based on your different perspectives. Perspective is everything!


Learning about his view on life and how that corresponds with your perspective can help you build such a deeper relationship. And this goes beyond boyfriends, but also for friends and family members.


We get in arguments with friends & family all the time because of simple misunderstandings. And misunderstandings happen because you’re only focused on your point of view and are unwilling to see someone else’s point of view.


If we take the time to get to know our perspective and other people’s perspectives/views on life, we might be able to figure out how to meet in the middle, instead of having bs arguments with each other!


You can truly have a situation make you mad and ruin your whole day, or have that same situation make you thankful for the lessons & see it as a blessing. It all depends on your perspective.


Quotes of the day:
“My red isn’t your red.” -Shiii
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” -Wayne Dyer



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Ep 9: Why Men Don’t Approach You… Are You INTIMIDATING to Men??

Have you ever wondered why men don’t approach you?? I spent years wondering why men would look, but never came up to talk to me. And then one day, a guy friend told me my beauty was intimidating!


Crazy enough, I’m not the only one who’s heard that! A bunch of my friends and family members have heard that too!


It seems like women these days are just too “intimidating” and that’s why we are stuck in single-town for way longer than we want to be!


But it almost feels like this is just a man’s excuse! An excuse for why he doesn’t make the first move, an excuse for why he doesn’t commit or even attempt to date you. And an excuse for why he’s not stepping up like a man should.


When I was single and ready to start dating after the end of one of my past lame relationships, I tried hard to find a guy I was interested in! Me my best friend literally came up with strategies for how to get guys to talk to us!


“I’ll sit on this side of the bar, you sit on that side, and we’ll act like we came here alone! For sure, some guy will feel like he can actually come up to one of us and start talking!”


But no matter what I tried, guys would look, but hardly anyone would actually approach me. (Except for the certified crazy ones 🤦🏽‍♀️ …. they never had a problem coming up to talk lol)


At my job, I had 2 close guy friends, and after months of building a friendship with one of the guys, he told me that he originally was scared to talk to me because my beauty was intimidating!


😳.... I wasn’t sure how to feel when he said that. I mean, damn! Was this the reason I wasn’t finding any guys??? Was this what made me “unapproachable”?


I asked another friend, and he agreed! I was intimidating to men!


So then I thought I needed to change. Maybe I should figure out how to dim my shine, not put effort into my look, stop being so nice. Maybe then I’d be less intimidating…


But I just couldn’t see how I could change myself… just because a man was intimidated by me being ME.



The other day I was on social media and came across a quote that said:


“Ladies, you aren’t intimidating. He’s intimidated. There’s a  difference.”


And I felt like someone finally explained the REAL problem!


It’s not you that’s the problem… the problem is he’s intimidated! And girl, that’s his problem to deal with, not yours!


So what about us comes across as intimidating to a man???

Girl, there are a number of things about a woman that could intimidate a guy… He could be intimidated by:

  • your smarts
  • your beauty
  • your success
  • your strength
  • your ambition
  • your maturity

He might be intimidated because you’ve got goals, you’re opinionated, educated, have more degrees, or just because you’re making money moves! 🤑


But NONE of that is OUR problem, ladies! It’s out of our control.


Because it doesn’t say anything that’s wrong with your character… Those are all GREAT things that you should NEVER change about yourself!


Keep being a BOSS in life girl! There’s nothing wrong with that!


Now, a guy may never even tell you that he’s intimidated. So if you’re not sure, here are some signs that a man’s intimidated by you:

  • He flirts with you constantly but never asks you out
  • He smiles and looks at you, but never approaches
  • He seems nervous or shy around you
  • He acts jealous of the things you’re doing in your life (he uses jealousy to distract you from noticing his weaknesses)
  • He hardly talks about himself, only focuses on you and what you’re doing in life… OR he brags about himself (to overcompensate for the things he’s really lacking)


So if a guy acts like he’s intimidated, or actually tells you that you’re intimidating… how do you respond???


Should you change yourself to make it easier on them??

My advice: ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! 


A man who tells you you’re intimidating is truly showing you one thing: He’s insecure.


Any man who feels like you’re intimidating is just really weak in areas of his life that you’re doing great in. And he’s uncomfortable with that. 


What it really says about him:

  • He’s not confident around you
  • He’s scared you’re gonna find out about his weaknesses
  • He doesn’t feel like he can have you
  • He ain’t ready for someone like you!


And funny enough, some guys will try to use the “you’re intimidating” line to try and charm his way into your life… to try and convince you to come down to his level so he feels more comfortable. Some guys want you to feel sorry for them, and would love nothing more than for you to baby them. 🙄


But any sign that he’s intimidated could be a HUGE warning for you that he’s not on your level! That he’s not ready for your amazingness. 


You don’t need to be “less intimidating”. If someone tells you you’re intimidating, use that as a confidence booster!! Take it as a compliment! YES, you ARE that fine girl!!! YES!!! You ARE a strong ass woman! You’re living life and doing AMAZING things! So never stop! 


“Strong women intimidate boys… and excite men!”


Be confident. Be you.  And always know that a REAL man won’t be intimidated, he’ll be in awe! He’ll be ready to join you on your level, and he’ll be a complement to your life instead of making you feel like you need to slow down your life for him.


Never dim your light because someone else is uncomfortable. Shine honey, SHINE!!!! 🤩


Quotes of the day:
“Dear strong women, you are not intimidating. He is intimidated. There’s a difference.” -Charles Orlando
“If my strength intimidates you, I hope you realize that’s a weakness of yours.” -Anonymous



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Ep 8: STOP COMPARING YOURSELF & Just Live Your Life!

Hey hey chick! Today I want to talk to you about the social media comparison disease we’re all guilty of!


We look at experts and celebrities online, on tv, on social media, on youtube… and we get SO wrapped up in how great their lives are. We get so involved in just looking at their great life that we start to feel like our life sucks.


We start to feel like our life is just... shit! 💩


But honestly, the few minutes that you see online is just the part of their life that they WANT you to see!


We don’t get to see people’s “behind the scenes” on their highlight reel. They actually cut out the shitty pictures and the shitty moments so we don’t see it.


People only post what they feel comfortable sharing with you, and most of the time, that’s only the positive things.


Everybody has difficult moments and shitty times. Nobody’s life is just perfect every day. So you don’t need to feel depressed and mad because your life looks NOTHING like their portrayed life.


If you constantly compare yourself and your life to the famous successful people online, you’re never going to get anywhere. Because life really is not up to comparison. We are all unique and have unique perspectives and experiences! 


We ALL have opportunities and blessings that are made JUST for us. 


So whoever you’re watching on social media or on tv who you think has a bomb ass life… I want you to know that YOU can also live a life that’s just as awesome (or even better!) than theirs!!!


You can choose to live a life that’s amazing to you, go out there and just start! Or you can choose to dwell in your sadness and continue to attract sucky situations to you.


Instead of constantly comparing yourself to others or feeling jealous because their life looks great, why not get inspired by them?! I used to watch Say Yes to the Dress and feel upset that they all found their dream guy while I was stuck in a shitty relationship. But once I changed my mindset and stopped comparing, I started to feel inspired! If they found their dream guy… so could I! And I believed it would happen for me at the right timing.


Stop getting depressed by watching someone else love Their life.


If you find that you easily get mad or jealous about someone else’s success or happiness, I need you to take a look at your life and figure out what is making you feel that way??? What are you unhappy about in your own life??? What do YOU want to do with YOUR LIFE??? And then take your situation and make it the BEST for YOU!


Lives are not meant to be compared. Because not everybody is the same. We all have things that happen at the right time for us. If someone is shining right now, you don’t need to be mad about it. Your time to shine might be next!


You are given one life, and it’s up to you to MAKE things happen for yourself. Success doesn’t just fall right into your lap. It's up to you to make it happen!


We may feel like someone's life is awesome and wonder why our life isn’t like that. But the reason why their life looks so much better than yours right now is because they’re out there LIVING IT, and you’re just sitting there watching them.


You have to make life happen for you!


Go to school if you want a degree, go fix ur resume if you want a new job, start the business if you want that type of success, look for a good man if you want a new relationship.


It’s all up to you to take the first steps.


You can’t get anywhere in your life by just wishing someone else’s life was yours.


Every single minute you spend wishing their life was yours is time wasted in your own life!!!


You’re not going to make anything happen in your life until you START. Start working on something, just one thing that will help propel you into the type of success you really want.


Go out there. Live your life. Just DO IT!


Don’t be mad about someone else living their life and having a great time. YOU can be living your life and having a great time too!


Do you even realize that there are already people out there looking up to you, wishing they had your life!? YOU ARE AWESOME! And you already got this!!


There are amazing blessing and opportunities right in front of you, waiting for you to just accept them and let them in. Grab them!!!!


People who are successful in life are no more special than you are. We are all just normal people, just human-beings. The celebrities and people online are REAL LIFE PEOPLE too! They don’t have anything extra in their life that you don’t have access to.


We all have the capability to go out there and have the life we dream of. We just have to shape it into how we want it to be, and take the opportunities & take action.


It’s up to you. You can allow yourself to be someone who watches social media and youtube and tv your whole life, just wishing it could be you…. or you can choose to go out there and go after the dreams you have! You have he ability to never settle!


People aren’t luckier, prettier, smarter, more talented, easier to love, or more outgoing than you. Thats’ not why they found success. They just took action. And you are capable of that too.


That great life you see them living… it can be yours! That can be you! Take what’s yours. Use the skills you have, take advantage of the tools and resources you have in your life, use your gifts, and create the life you want!


Everyone has failures, mistakes, and shitty days. But everyone on social media highlights only the positive things. You need to start highlighting the good things in your life too. Don’t dwell on the shittiness. Dwell on the positive.


Live life for yourself. Do what makes you happy! Don’t dwell on everyone else and what they're doing.


You have a fabulous life in front of you that’s just waiting for you to live it!


So stop comparing yourself to others! And stop trying to compete. There’s enough success to go around to everyone who is open to receive it.


Life is too short to be comparing or competing. Just do you boo. Do you, and shine honey!!


Quote of the day:
“A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.” -Zen Shin




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